Tips for Constructing Post-Trauma Identity

Rebuilding the self from the rubble of shock is a long, deliberate and slow process. It doesn’t happen overnight, on demand or just because a survivor knows it’s necessary. Constructing a post-trauma identity takes time, commitment, dedication and desire. There are four areas that someone struggling with PTSD needs to develop in order to form a strong foundation for a new identity.

Instinct

Survivors no longer trust anyone or anything and, most unfortunately, they don’t trust themselves. Their perceptions of the world have been proved wrong. Often, survivors blame themselves for not behaving differently during the traumatic experience, or for how they are coping afterward. A total lapse in any connection with the self easily results as survivors distance themselves from the present moment and their uncomfortable emotions.

In order to heal, however, it’s necessary for the survivor to reconnect with the most intrinsic self, that intuitive, instinctual self that, despite trauma’s shock, still exists. People struggling with PTSD need to find a way to bridge the gap of trust within their own selves. Developing a practice of recognizing, tapping into and heeding instinct puts survivors back in touch with the Good voice inside their heads, which helps to balance out the Bad voice trauma unleashed.

Freedom

The main thrust of PTSD is living a life of fear. We feel anxious, tense, on guard and ready for disaster in any moment. We do not feel safe - in the world or in ourselves. Healing, though, can only come when we let out the breath we’re holding. Healing can only be achieved when we begin to imagine possibilities for ourselves.

When we tap into our instincts we open up a dialogue with our authentic self. Slowly, we awake from our emotional comas or the frozen tundra of our inner landscape. It’s critical at this point for us to remember that we have choices. That we have the right to choose how we live and feel and experience and remember. Giving ourselves the freedom to explore our choices and the possibilities that wait for us brings healing into the seat of our own determination.

Courage

Healing is tough, that’s all there is to it. There is no one set, prescribed answer that suits everyone. We’re all at varying points, places and degrees of post-traumatic experience. Initially, healing can make PTSD symptoms WORSE. We’re overwhelmed by how difficult, scary and out of control our minds, emotions and the process feel. We’re afraid to let go of our survivor persona. As much as PTSD symptoms make our lives miserable, it has now become familiar. In the PTSD framework we recognize ourselves and this, ironically, becomes what feels safe.

Healing challenges what we have come to depend on. Naturally, the unfamiliar is threatening and uncomfortable. In order to continue moving forward despite the boundaries of known absolutes, we must develop a strong reserve of courage. In our attitudes and approach toward healing we must develop a core of the strong adventurer. In our acts of healing we must be fearless as we seek relief.

Generosity

The impulse is to decide to heal and believe it will happen just like that. We’ve struggled for a long, long time. We want healing to come simply because we think it would be a nice idea. We commit to some sort of therapy. We show up. We go through the motions. We might even diligently work to heal in many ways at once. And then we’re shocked to have a setback, or not to progress at the speed we (and others watching us) expect. The truth is, healing cannot be achieved under pressure. It must be allowed to organically come forth as a cumulative effort of both conscious and subconscious methods; personal and trauma trained professionally guided goals, inspiration and actions.

We need to be generous with ourselves. We’re working really, really hard. We do want to be well. But we need to:

understand and be patient with ourselves that conquering the past takes time
remember creating the future must, like any building, be done brick by brick
give ourselves time, space, and a positive, supportive perspective
be charitable with ourselves and our efforts
remember there will be successes and failures, up days and down, great advances and major setbacks

Ebb and flow is the nature of healing. Being hard on ourselves only adds to the stress we already feel and slows down the process. Setbacks don’t mean we are not doing our best to recover, nor do they mean we are not making progress or that we’re going in the wrong direction. They mean we are human and we still have more work to do. Be kind.

Are you ready to let go of your trauma/PTSD identity? Visit our blog to find out the most important detail that might be holding back your recovery.

(Photos: Vyufinder, Nikilynn, Nikita Hengbok)