Do You Fake the PTSD Funk?
Friday, October 5th, 2012 • PTSD Recovery Tips •
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One complaint I hear often from survivors (and I remember this from my own PTSD healing journey) is how often they feel like they’re just putting up a front. A veteran PTSD client of mine recently said, “Michele, I just have learned to fake the funk!”
I love the phrase so much I decided to chat with you about it today:
What PTSD coping habit do you hate the most?
Tags: ptsd healing, veteran
I am beginning to think you and my therapist are sharing notes! You have hit on a lot of things lately that completely describe stuff that I am currently working through.
There is another aspect to “faking the funk” that you did not touch on – I am sure because of the time limitations of a video post. I have a really hard time after “faking it” all day at work and then going home to my family. At home, where I should be able to quit faking it and be me. But, I don’t want my kids to see me struggling. And my wife has her own issues. So – I keep faking it. Until eventually, I fall apart. I snap at the kids. Argue with my wife. Drink too much. A vicious cycle.
Fortunately, I have recognized this cycle, with help, and am trying to do a better job of smoothly the peaks and valleys. Tough road.
Thanks for your insight!
@Tired – LOL, it just goes to show you how universal all of this is!! You and I have such different traumatic histories and yet here we are, again, on the same page.
You’re right! The vid was already 4 minutes and I thought that was getting too long, but your insight is right on target. The demands of faking vary from situation to situation and so it can seem like we have very little space for The Real Me. I admire your ability to consider the wellbeing of your family and to put their needs above yours as much as possible so that your children have the daddy I know they must so deeply desire.
You’re already past the first step toward a more positive experience in recognizing the cycle. There will be successes and challenges as you move forward, as you already expressed. The main goal, I think, is to keep being creative in finding ways to improve, connect and communicate so that at the same time you are evolving you simultaneously deepen the relationships that are most important to you.
Feeling in a stupor when I get into a funk. When it’s really hard, I turn to eating food even though I’m not physically hungry. When it’s extremely hard, I don’t, and instead, get so catatonic that no intervention (like praying, reading a spiritual book, or turning on music) occurs to me. I feel unaware of how to get out until it’s dissolved, seemingly by the passage of time. As I write this, it’s helping me realize that one thing that makes it go away is getting out of my home, and, moving. Now, if I can actually do that when in a funk!
@AN – One thing that I find very helpful is to recognize the physical/emotional/mental feelings of a funk COMING ON. As in, how the descent starts so that you notice it before fully going into funk more. What do you feel in your body? What do you hear in your mind? What are your thoughts? These are all clues that can act as red flags so that you notice them and…. immediately get out and move so that you deliberately shift your emotional state and interrupt the slide into that dark space. If you try this let me know how it goes!
I understand what you are saying about faking it but you have to understand two things.
1. Your brain does not really know the difference between things you do and things you think about doing. They have been using this in training Olympic athletes for years – athletes that practice only physically do not perform as well as those who both practice physically AND play it out in their minds. The same synapses fire when you imagine as when you do. Add to that the placebo effect, tell yourself often enough and long enough that you feel poorly and your mind/body will oblige you and feel the way you have been saying you will feel.
2. Not being authentic is one of the worse things you can do for your own health. Studies have shown that authenticity is critical to maintaining good health. No wonder a blow up occurs. The drinking is just because you want to feel better and do not know another method. There are others and you can learn them but don’t beat yourself up for not already knowing them – that is not good for you.
Bottom line is you really want to feel good and you really want to not only love your family but show them how you feel. You can get there.
Behavior(s) change with how a person feels emotionally. Someone who is emotionally is in a low place will not behave the way the same person would when happier. Beating oneself up for behaviors just keeps the person in that low place where the undesired behaviors occur. Far better to give yourself a break and recognize that you did the best you could in that moment (even if your best at that moment was not very good – it was the best you could do at that time– not your best ever — but best right then). Focus on finding ways to feel better and the behaviors will shift as you feel better.
@Jeanine — Great information, all of which supports the idea that we can move forward and that happiness is possible! And yet, as someone who faked the funk for over two decades without seeing any improvement in my situation I would raise the idea that the brain does know a real difference between things you think/do in survival mode and things you think/do in pursuit of a pleasurable goal. No amount of faking the funk will heal PTSD (I know that’s not what you were suggesting), which is really what is necessary in order to end the funk itself.
I wonder how you would say these ideas apply to those who fake the funk as a coping mechanism in a mind and body that is neither entirely healthy nor optimally functioning versus as behavior elicited for a desired and positive goal, as in the example of the Olympians. And what we could do to make it work more positively?
I don’t know the answers; not for sure. I do know what helped me and that was re-framing the traumatic experiences in my life to see who I had become as a result – a much stronger and independent person than I believe I would have been without those experiences. Then I focus on seeing those traits as valuable (even as I, at this stage of life, let go of some of my determination to be completely independent and have more of a symbiotic relationship).
I think that is one path. Look for something positive to come from it. It can be anything – and focus on that. It can be someone you met who you would not have met that your life would not be as good if you had not met. It can be something you learned — new knowledge is wroth celebrating. If nothing else, empathy towards others has probably increased — count that benefit.
i love that “Fake the Funk” phrase! And WOW, WOW, WOW is it so true that as a PTSD person i have to do this to just get through what needs to be done. Sometimes i’m in the grocery store and i feel inside like i want to throw my body to the floor and just wail – but it’s not the place. i certainly don’t want to be carted off to the nearest hospital!
i try hard to limit the amount of places i go where i do feel that i have to Fake the Funk – i work to be in places where i can be my authentic self whether that be in familiar places or places with my true, real friends.
For example, i go to a grocery store that i frequently go to where i see the employees i have seen before – i can look at that person and know “OK, this is the such-n-such store and i’m safe enough.” i especially do this when i am in the Funk to make it easier on Me. Yes, i’m still Faking the Funk, but it doesn’t feel so bad on Me.
Thanks for this topic – it really hits home!!!
@Grasshopper — That’s a great idea, to be so conscious of planning places where you CAN be authentic. Why didn’t I ever think of it so clearly in my faking the funk days??? That’s a terrific example of resilience. I got more lost in the sadness that I had to fake the funk rather that getting creative about ways to live more authentically. Sigh… “If only” is a phrase that so often comes to mind when I think of my 25+ PTSD years!
OK, I just have to point this out — not as criticism but to help you be more aware — your comments are “beating yourself up for something you did not think of then” — be nicer to yourself. You deserve it. Turn it around and think, “That is a great idea. It could have helped me then but I did not know it. Now that I know it maybe I will be able to help another.” — same circumstances — different feel, make sense?
Best Wishes.
PS – Not to impose a religion on you (or anyone) but many of the people I have encountered who are not nice to themselves were raised on the adage “Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself” but for some reason, the emphasis went on loving the neighbor and self was given 2nd fiddle. I know in my own upbringing the self part of that was left out. We have so much more love to give when we love ourselves first.
I sometimes feel that I am wearing a mask, but it’s getting less and less. I think the most important thing for me when I was at my worst, was to be able to do things, even when I didn’t feel like it. I found that even a fake smile was better than no smile, because little by little, facing situations meant I began to feel things again. It may feel fake to start with but don’t avoid things, avoidance only leads to complete disconnection.
@Molly — That’s the beauty and the surprise of recovery, I think: the elements we believe are most unchangeable do, in fact, change.
“…avoidance only leads to complete disconnection.” Such incredibly wise words.
I often feel i’m wearing a mask and don’t know who the real me is
@Anxious girl — That’s one of the more common side effects of PTSD. The good news is that with and in recovery we can rediscover the real self. Check out the free healing workshop on this blog for ideas about how to do that:
http://healmyptsd.com/2009/06/introduction-to-the-bridge-the-gap-healing-workshop.html