PTSD Survivors Speak: Our Story Part 2

Last week we met Paula and Tim and heard about how Tim was diagnosed with PTSD. This week we learn more about how they learned to cope with that diagnosis.

Christmas came and went in a bit of a blur, lots was changing in regards to the support my boy was getting.  His sessions with the specialist had stopped and we simply could not afford to pay to see her so he was then assigned a general Counsellor.  She was nice but I could see no improvement in him, and in some ways, could actually see a regression.  I was doing ok through all of this, especially since my employers had funded 12 sessions with a Counsellor for me.  It was nice to have someone who I could talk to honestly and openly without the worry that it would upset them.  As much as we are close to our families, it was difficult to tell them just how bad things were at times as that would have worried them more and that was not something I wanted to do.  

I felt I had to be strong for not only my boy, but for them, too.  I was the one holding it together for everyone, but, in the words of my boy, I was also the one dealing with more than any of them.  I didn’t believe this.  Wouldn’t believe this.  How could it be possible when he was going through so much more.  He tells me that he always knew I was there for him and so he knew he would get through it and that he could let it all out and I would still make him smile whereas I was doing this, working, keeping everyone else up to speed whilst at the same time monitoring what they knew, dealing with everyday life and also, for the most part, apparently doing it with a smile on my face…….I have no idea how I managed!!!!!!  But I did, and I am proud of myself.  I also eventually accepted that I was worthy and deserving of some help too and agreed to see the Counsellor through work.

The sessions eventually stopped for both of us and, at first, it was tough.  We had been used to having these people to go through things with and suddenly they were gone.  Again, we had a decision to make.  Go backwards or continue to move forwards, all be it with the professional’s help.  For a few weeks it was tough, especially for my boy and then suddenly, one day we realised he was making more progress than he had been with the new Counsellor.  He was suddenly allowed to be “normal” again.  His life wasn’t dictated by appointments, by 1 hour slots where he was forced to talk about it.  Before long, it became apparent that the best thing that had happened in a long time was the sessions coming to an end.  We both still worked at the exercises he was given and were aware that things could change at any time but for now, things were ok.

We come to May and things are getting better in some ways and worse in others.  There is a definite push on now to get my boy back to work, although he is in no way ready.  We decide that we need a break.  To get away from everything we book a last minute holiday and take ourselves off to a quiet part of Crete for a week.  It was beautiful.  Perfect even.  Just the two of us, a beach, the sea (which we both love), nice food and a good book or 6!  For the first time since everything started, the week in Crete was the first that either of us slept a whole night.  The first time in almost 1 year that we had a proper sleep.  That week was one of the highlights of the past 18 months for both of us.  The evening before we came home, we sat on the balcony of the restaurant, looking out over the sea and for the first time on a holiday, neither of us wanted to come home.  That place is very special to us now and we are going back next year.

Things progress and my boy has no choice but to try and go back to work.  This is a side of the story that I won’t elaborate on for a few reasons but I am not sure I could explain fully the stress that was running alongside the stress of the illness itself in relation to this, and, to be completely truthful, it is the one thing that still makes me fairly angry when I think about it.

It was birthday celebration time again….yes, a whole year had passed…and we were off for another few days.  It was lovely again, a very different experience from the year before and one where it was obvious just how much progress had been made, sort of a time of reflection as it was the last weekend before it was back to work for my boy so we made the absolute most of it, the same as we always do.

Fast forward a few months again to October.  Boy is back at work full time, dealing with things fairly well but still under undue amounts of stress in relation to certain things.  It is a Saturday again.  The 3^rd October.  Again, a day like any other to start with.  We popped to town, bought some things to decorate our bathroom with and bought some lunch to eat in the car.  We often drove to a spot we liked and would eat our lunch, listen to the football and talk for hours about something or nothing.  This was what we were doing this particular day when all of a sudden I was presented with the most amazing diamond ring and a marriage proposal.  I won’t tell you exactly what was said but it was the most beautiful, perfect proposal and when I finally managed to speak, all I could manage without crying was a “yes!”.  It was the best day of my life.  We had got through the past 18 months of absolute hell with not only a smile on our faces, but had come out of it with an even stronger relationship than we went into it with.

Next week in part 3 Paula sums it all up.

Paula and Tim live in Surrey, England and have lived with PTSD since 2008.  They have come through the other side and are looking forward to the birth of their first baby in a few weeks and to getting married later this year.

The ideas contained in this post solely represent the perspective of the author. To contribute to ‘Survivors Speak’ contact Michele.

Tags: counseling, ptsd