PTSD Survivors Speak: Our Story Part 1

For Paula and Tim things seemed just fine — and then suddenly they weren’t. Over the next few weeks Paula shares with us her and Tim’s story through PTSD and out the other side. Oh, yes, this is a story of recovery!

” we accepted what had happened and refused to let it destroy us. It was horrific, it was awful but how much more of our lives could we let it consume? We therefore stuck together, laughed, smiled and cried and have come through the other end now stronger, happier and with a feeling of real achievement….and above all, I am as proud of my fiancé as it is possible to be of another human being…”

That is where we are now…….this is where it started……….

July 2008, the 2^nd to be precise.  It was a Saturday like any other, well for a few hours anyway. My fiancé, a serving Police Officer left for his late shift at work as normal and when I heard his car pull down the drive a couple of hours later, it worried me as he had never come home early before.  It turns out he had been sick on the way to work and twice more whilst there so he was sent home.  He looked unwell and we put it down to a bug as he had seemed ok before he left…..or had he? Thinking back now, he was not himself for a good few weeks, maybe months before but we had recently bought a new house, moved into it, carried out a lot of work and at the same time, his hours increased due to understaffing and he was having less and less time between shifts to catch up with himself so it was all put down to him being exhausted.  Now we know it was the early onset of PTSD.

So anyway, back to that weekend, we stayed at home, he seemed ok but obviously still poorly a few hours later, the same on Sunday and so on Monday, I made an appointment with our GP.  Off we went and he was tested for all sorts of things from Diabetes through to viral infections.  In the time between the appointment and going back for the results, I had started to look into possible causes of this sudden change in my strong, healthy, happy boyfriend and saw PTSD pop up a few times and initially, did not give it too much though.  When we got the call back for the test results, there was absolutely nothing abnormal showing up.  This in itself gave some relief as you worry about it being something sinister.  Little did we know just how sinister it would turn out to be.  

Quickly, the conversation turned from what it was not to what it might be and it was at this point the GP mentioned those four letters.  She was pretty sure that this was what he was suffering from based on some previous appointments and the signs he was now showing.  Of course, as sure as she was, she could not diagnose this, it had to be confirmed by a Mental Health expert.  So, we waited for an appointment and we eventually met with a fantastic lady, an expert in the field, who did indeed confirm, within moments it seemed, of meeting us that he was indeed suffering from PTSD. 

It was a relief and a shock all at the same time as although we now knew what the problem was, the reality was neither of us knew anything about it and it terrified us both, neither of us admitting this at the time for fear of worrying the other more.  We had booked a few days away at the end of that week for birthday celebrations and we decided to go, give us some time away from home and just the two of us to get our head around things and see how it felt.  It was tough, there were a few very scary moments where he passed out, blacked out, had panic attacks that seemed to last for hours but there were also some lovely times in those 4 days where we wandered through the city gardens in the sunshine, strolled around the shops in the pouring rain (good old English weather!) and talked and laughed the same as we always did so we are very glad we went.  

Even to this day we talk about that weekend fondly.  It was our first real taste of how our lives were now to be, and strangely, I am glad we faced it head on.  Looking back, I am not sure if we would have coped throughout the next 18 months in quite the same way had we stayed at home that weekend and let it take over our lives that early on.  We both firmly believe that taking that step no more than a week into the illness being confirmed helped us realise that although it would be there, we could also have some degree of control over our lives, however small it may be.

Part 2 next week….

Paula and Tim live in Surrey, England and have lived with PTSD since 2008.  They have come through the other side and are looking forward to the birth of their first baby in a few weeks and to getting married later this year.

The ideas contained in this post solely represent the perspective of the author. To contribute to ‘Survivors Speak’ contact Michele.

Tags: mental health, ptsd