Making the Shift: Feeling worse vs. better, Part 3
Monday, May 31st, 2010 • PTSD Recovery Tips •
For the past few weeks I’ve been considering why we so often, during the healing process, feel better, then worse, then better and worse again. Why do we have to go backwards so often before we go forward?
In my first post in this series I discussed the role of emotions and how the evolution from numbness to feeling can interrupt the momentum of progress.
In my second post I explored the process of the psyche and how it does what it needs in order to survive.
In this final piece I’m pulling it all together with one blunt statement:
Healing is tough. It’s only natural that you approach recovery with an “I want it done yesterday!” attitude. You’ve been sidetracked with symptoms and you want to be released. Unfortunately, PTSD is a tenacious sucker and it will resist, which means you just have to work harder and maybe a little longer before you find freedom, which can be yours.
In my own experience, healing was worse than living with my PTSD symptoms. Healing meant I stopped dissociating, lived in the present and gained clarity about what was haunting me — and then had to face it and process through. But this is the nature of healing: we stop supressing and coping and start clarifying, accepting, grieving, attacking and releasing all of our post-trauma issues. Sometimes this process leads us to feelings of euphoria as we feel the past loosening its grip. Other times, we hit the skids as the enormity of experience creeps up on us. These ups and downs are a natural part of healing.
Throughout all of nature organisms struggle to grow. As survivors healing PTSD we’re no different. When we take a dive and find ourselves in a freefall of heightened symptoms, the key thing to remember is that healing happens in cycles. There is no straight path to wellness. We move forward two steps, which gives us strength. We use that strength to push forward and face more challenging things. We fall back one step as we’re hit full force with this new phase of healing. We acknowledge, accept, process, and push forward again. This is how it goes — for all of us.
Accept the natural progression. Don’t fight against it. Let the process. Believe in yourself. Every time you do healing work — regardless of the immediate outcome — you are making progress. Healing is cumulative. Keep pushing toward your goal until you get there. The ultimate reward is worth the roller coaster of the entire struggle.
Photo acknowledgement.
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It may help to remember this doesn’t apply only to PTSD. I’m recovering from cataract surgery, and at some moments I’m so excited because I can see so well. Then all of a sudden my vision goes blurry again. The doctor said this is the normal process of healing, and over time the blurry vision will completely go away.
Of course, cataract surgery is very minor, and I don’t mean to say it is anything like having PTSD. However, the healing process is cyclical, whether it’s healing from a simple surgical procedure or healing from a serious condition like PTSD.
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