PTSD Survivors Perspective: Changing Perspective, Part 2
Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010 • Guest Post: Survivors Speak •
Last week LeSan got us started on redefining PTS(D). There’s been a great response to her idea, both from profssionals and survivors, both here and in the world of social media.
Today, LeSan takes us all the way through the rest of her thought process to a wonderful conclusion about why this idea of dropping the ‘D’ in PTSD is so important.
Changing Perspective
With a traumatic event there is an almost overwhelming amount of unprocessed information just jamming up the works. It makes everyday life nearly impossible. It would be as if you had an enormous program running on your computer and then tried to open a photo heavy disc. There are going to be some problems with that operation. This doesn’t mean your computer is dysfunctional or broken. It just means it’s working on something else.
While your brain was busy trying to protect you “the self” during the trauma it was also very busy collecting as much information as possible about the event. This is designed to inform and protect you from another such occurrence. This is not dysfunctional but rather the height of functionality. The problem occurs when we short circuit the process from completing itself.
All that information about a terrible life threatening event has now become the most important thing in the world to focus on as far as the mind is concerned. And why shouldn’t it be? You sanely concluded that what was happening was a seriously bad thing and to be avoided at all cost in the future. You would be crazy if you didn’t come to that conclusion. Nature tells you that if you do not understand and learn from an event you will not likely survive another. Trying to go on about your life as though the trauma had never happened is tantamount to throwing the car into reverse while driving 60mph down the freeway.
I have focused on redefining how we think of PTS because how you approach any task makes all the difference in your success or failure. Fighting the “symptoms” of PTS only serves to block your path through to your better future. The nightmares, anxieties, flashbacks and all those debilitating issues you deal with are valuable clues to unraveling the complex chaos of a horrible and incomprehensible event. No one wants to keep living the nightmare of their trauma but it will never go away until we turn around to face it, to finish it. There is nothing wrong or dysfunctional with you. That your mind found a way to protect you and store up information that could save your life in the future is a profoundly powerful thing. Be proud of that feat and honor the rest of the process.
LeSan is an artist in every way: former President of Northwest Watercolor Society and Chairman for several national juried shows, she paints in oil, watercolor and pastel. She also sculpts in stainless steel mesh. She has taken the past couple of years off to build a garden and rebuild her reserves. You can see her personal progress at www.bluegategardens.blogspot.com. She says, “I would like to say that I hope to figure out the great mystery of my life before it’s over but I suspect that I am going to use up every last minute of living in process. It’s not a bad way to live.”
The opinions represented are solely those of the author. To contribute to “Survivors Speak” contact Michele.
LeSan I have to say that you are very insightful but I’ll respond to this as well.
Traumatic event, overwhelming, unprocessed, jamming? Not for all of us I don’t think, in my own case certainly not. Traumatic definitely but I processed every single detail. Remember the movie Jarhead? When he stood at the foot of his trench when they had their first contact and the movie slowed then he narrated that he could feel every grain of sand? I remember those times vividly.
Hmmm, I like the ‘Short circuit’ reference. For myself I put a strong wall up and never showed any emotion for the next 20 years.
Yes again I agree that processing that information has become the most important thing and makes us understand that we should avoid another situation like that at all cost in the future. Sadly for me I was at war and could not get away from the “situation” and dealt with the same thing almost every day.
As I already stated in your ‘Part 1” I have realised that, because of you and Michele bringing it to my attention, you are correct that the redefinition of PTS would help. I have never realised that the “stigma” we get with our “problem” has been a contributing factor in my recovery and I can now look at it in a different light myself.
Thanks you guys
On a different perspective of my own I wonder if that wall I put up is why many have seen me as “arrogant” with the way I conduct myself? For many years I went with the flow and did what I had always done without taking notice of what anyone else thought about that. Then I decided I should begin to look at myself and find out why I was still living my nightmare and why I was still single and came to some revelations of my own. I know what happened to me will never go but at least now I can proportion things and I deal with them in a better way they I used to and I have a more productive life … thanks again guys
sorry … better way thAN I used to lol
@Lloyd — Interesting insights here, both personally and otherwise! I think many people struggling with PTSD would say the traumatic event was/is overwhelming, unprocessed and jamming. From what I’ve learned it seems that’s why many people end up with PTSD in the first place.
I’m curious to understand how you processed everything so well. And where you believe the nightmares come from if the processing is done. I always thought my nightmares came from the lack of processing. In fact, they finally ceased when I completed all the processing that still had to be done.
The first time I engaged the enemy everything slowed down, seemingly. I can’t be sure if it was the Army training or the actual event but I noticed everything that went on around me just as they portrayed in Jarhead and similar to when Tom Hanks was in the beach landing during Saving Private Ryan.
Again I haven’t really thought about the why’s and the wherefores that much untill I finished writing my book 2 years ago and around the same time I began to let myself feel again … a new and interesting time
I could say the nightmares (awaks & sleeping) were because of the event being so horrific and the fact my mind remembered them so well, or maybe I hadn’t finished processing them … I can’t really be sure.