PTSD Professional Perspective: Facing the Future, Part 2

Last week Paul Radkowski had some interesting things to say about how we face the future after surviving trauma. Today, his thoughts move from theory to action.

Trauma Recovery: Facing the Future

What is in your highest interest to create long-term health and healing for you? You cannot heal a physical burn or “emotional burn” by being brutal with yourself. It all starts with being gentle, by being aware of how your trauma experience affects you in the present. Each time you might feel “triggered” just breathe and say to yourself:

“Whew! It looks like I’m feeling a strong survival response as my body feels tensed up. It looks like I’m being triggered by something from my past. I understand this now and have choices and healthier ways of coping in the present. I’m going to be gentle with myself and just breathe, write down what’s going on with me and what I need to do right now. It looks like I still have some healing to do and that’s ok. Disappointment is just a trigger, not a catastrophe”.

You have survived the worst and there is hope. Many people have become stronger and more resilient after recovering from trauma. That which may weaken us today can make us stronger in the future. An analogy: how your body responds to a cold-bacteria:

When you have a cold, your immune system activates T-cells and B-cells to fight off the foreign invader. Your body also has the awareness of memory T-cells and B-cells that will recognize the bacteria it fought off before and neutralize it before it can do any damage again. This is why you can never get the same cold-bacteria twice.

There are many people who have lived life richer and fuller than they ever had before and used their pain from the past to connect more to themselves and others, to move toward greater personal healing and growth. You can too!

Remember your feelings aren’t facts, they’re information not instruction. You may be feeling angry, hurt, overwhelmed, afraid or have an impulse to act out in some destructive way etc. These feelings are information and an invitation for you to be “gently curious” with yourself (i.e. what’s going on with you right now? How can you honour that need/feeling in a way that is in your highest and healthiest interest?). It means to be gentle with yourself, you still have some healing to do. Feelings are not instruction or an “acting out ticket” to engage in destructive behaviors or addiction. Your recovery begins with the power of choice.

I have lived through my own trauma experience(s) where some days it was a fight to survive and just stay alive. I believe the freedom to feel is the freedom to heal. Initially I tried to suppress my trauma.

I didn’t want to appear “weak” when for quite some time I needed to keep my wits about me and be as strong and guarded as I possibly could for fear of further attacks from very toxic people and environments.

The pain of the trauma itself took up enormous energy and the Herculean act of trying to suppress it was making me sick in every possible way. I was lucky, it took me about a month after the trauma to realize I was “emotionally safe” and at that time, like a toxic substance that was stored in my body, I emotionally purged these toxins by talking about it… again, and again and again.

What was also helpful for me was getting ongoing therapy, exercising, journaling, creating a structure for myself as much as possible to bring a sense of order and control to my life, connecting with friends/family etc who didn’t really get what was going on for me but gave me the space to be, to cry, yell at the wall, sob etc. It took work, but I chose life, I chose to heal.

Through doing my own work, I choose to take this experience and as a therapist and educator, share with others a deeper understanding of what they are going through, to be able to embrace their depths of darkness and see the light beyond that is the strength and resilience of the human spirit. I would not have known this other reality of “life beyond trauma” without all of my experiences, traumas included. Somehow I am more real, more honest about who I am and what I need in any given moment.

I appreciate life more and don’t take things for granted. I can now walk alongside people in their recovery journey and mutually share this empowered truth: In the art of love and life, we are the inventors of destiny.

After a discussion about trauma and accompanying shame, low self-esteem and the destructive core beliefs that result, I really want you to take the following message with you…

You are so much more than any pain, trauma, addiction or illness. These things do not define you.

The only thing “bad”, “flawed” or “damaged” about you is… the idea that you believe you are “bad”, “flawed” or “damaged”… End of Story.

Let me say it again, the only thing “bad”, “flawed” or “damaged” about you is the idea that you believe you are bad, flawed or damaged… END OF STORY!

You are so much more than any pain, trauma, addiction or illness. Your past is not your potential and your self-worth is NOT up for grabs! You have survived the worst. Be gentle and take care.

Paul Radkowski, who holds a degree in Psychology and a Masters degree specializing in Marriage & Family Therapy. In addition to his extensive work in trauma, addiction and recovery, Paul has consulted with numerous agencies, hospitals and treatment settings working with groups, families and individuals as a Family and Marriage Therapist, Crisis Counselor and Trauma Specialist.

The opinions expressed in this post solely represent those of the author. To contribute to “PTSD Professional Perspective” contact Michele.

Tags: healing, Paul Radkowski, ptsd, trauma