Meandering Michele’s Mind: No More Shoulds!

Yesterday I slept until noon. Saturday night was a late night of salsa dancing. I had a lot of work to do yesterday. A lot to accomplish before I met a trauma therapist friend for lunch and then met up with John for ballroom dancing in the evening.

I should have gotten up early. I should have really accomplished all the things on my list. I should… I should… I should… have kept to the schedule so I didn’t have so much to do today.

But I woke up and together my body and mind said, “NO!”. It was useless to protest. I rolled over and went back to sleep. And it felt GOOD! It felt good not to be on a schedule. It felt good not to be so focused on “what I must do”. It felt good not to be a Should Slave. For one whole day I just did what I felt like doing instead.

Which leaves me thinking today about how easy it is to become militant in the healing PTSD process. I remember forcing myself to do things that didn’t feel right for me. I remember forcing myself to do things I didn’t feel a connection to — all because I felt I “should” do them.

Certainly, there are things on the healing journey we must do because that’s protocol or that’s necessary as part of the process. For sure, there are shoulds in healing. But every once in a while it’s good to look at what we’re doing and decide: “When it comes to shoulds, does this qualify?”

Quick example: A friend swore to me that the path forward should include work with a holistic chiropractor. She had found immense relief from this man who helped you “release negative emotions” by manipulating your back. I was desperate. I told myself I should do everything possible. I went to this guy, week after week. I cried from the pain he induced. I ached for days afterward. I came to dread every appointment. I kept going because I thought I should.

And then one day I decided to reevaluate the idea of ‘should’. Instead of sticking to the idea, ”I should do all I can to heal”, which seemed a little too general if it meant I should be in pain week after week without any progress, I decided: “I should do all I can to heal by using all means necessary that feel right to me and bring me even the smallest bit of progress.”

Immediately, the chiropractor had to go. In his place I put reflexology, which was a much more gentle and relaxing method of somatic stress relief.

I should do all I can to heal — and I did. So should you. Sometimes, though, this means taking a step back and deciding what ’should’ really applies to. It’s easy to just blindly flail at anything in the healing process. Don’t do that. Take the time to take control. Be aware. Make choices. Choose what feels right for you.

What’s been your experience in the “should” area of healing? How have you controlled it so it didn’t control you??

(Photo acknowledgement on Flickr.)

Tags: healing, Meandering Michele's Mind, ptsd