PTSD Survivors Speak: Do One Thing Every Day That Scares You

I really love when I see spunk in a survivor. I really love when I feel the survivor spirit. I really love when survivors take back their power and create a better future.

Alexia Stout is that kind of survivor. Raped when she was five years old she has dealt with PTSD for many years but is now almost healed. She is a member of the RAINN speakers bureau (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) and speaks publicly about sexual abuse and PTSD.

I think her message is a fabulous one for the last ‘PTSD Survivors Speak’ of 2009!

Do One Thing That Scares You

Hi. My name is Alexia. I’m 21, going to college for a political science degree, single, curious about the world…oh, and I have been dealing with PTSD for 16 years now.

I know, perhaps you think it’s strange that I listed that among the many other facts about myself. Well, that is because that’s how I see PTSD — a fact. My PTSD is a current challenge, a challenge that I am more than willing to face.

So far, I have personally told two men My Story, which is that I was raped when I was five, went to the hospital for two weeks due to internal bleeding, and have had issues and challenges afterwords that most other people don’t face. Both men said the same thing, “I wish it didn’t happen.” To this, I reply, “it’s not a big deal unless you make it a big deal. I am still me. What happened is… just that; it happened.”

I have the same symptoms as any other people with PTSD, the symptoms that can be found in pamphlets, books, and medical internet sites: flashbacks, jumpiness, emotional detachment…I have dealt with all. The symptoms became worse once I entered high school because I was more social and got closer to men.

So how did I heal myself? Well, it’s quite simple really, and it involves something I everyone is encouraged to do. The only difference is that it is, at first, more challenging for people with PTSD. In fact, there’s a quote that sums it up quite nicely:

Do one thing every day that scares you. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Living in that PTSD bubble, where you avoid certain situations, are scared about everyday happenings, or stay emotionally detached from everything can be a livable life. But who wants to live a life in a bubble?

I lived in that bubble for about ten years. Then, I opened my eyes and saw all the people out there living life to the fullest, having as many friends as they could, creating smiles in nearly everyone that they passed, and reaching the very top, where the sun touched every single inch of their skin. I saw these people and decided, why not?

It was a challenge stepping out of that bubble. But each time I did, that bubble got bigger and bigger until one day it just… popped.

When that happened, I took a step back and was able to see myself. I had more friends than ever before, I felt love like I never thought was possible, and I accomplished more than I imagined I could just a few years ago. I saw myself as who I was and realized that if I was able to survive a rape at 5 years old, survive the internal bleeding that followed, and win the battle against PTSD, then I can win anything if I am determined enough.

I chose to be the best person I can be, and I am because I am committed to it; I commit to every day. Today, I tell life to bring it on. Make my day by giving me a chance to step out of my comfort zone and into the sun.

What’s your choice?

To hear more from Alexia visit her blog, Twenty-Something’s Thoughts of Everything. And follow her on Twitter @saintalexia.

To contribute to ‘PTSD Survivors Speak’ contact Michele.

Tags: Eleanor Roosevelt, heal, ptsd, RAINN, rape, St. Alexia, symptoms