Treating PTSD: Do You Deserve Joy?
Friday, November 13th, 2009 • BRIDGE THE GAP Healing Workshop •
Backing up for a minute today because Svasti, in her yogic sort of wisdom, made a great comment on Monday’s post about joy and the PTSD experience. I wanted to share it with you and explore it a little bit.
Svasti’s whole comment was very honest and brought up great ideas, but the part I really want to address is:
… there may be feelings of guilt that keep us from being okay with feeling joy. Or, we might be struggling with letting go of suffering. So joy can feel like a huge leap!
I have to admit, I missed this aspect of things. In my own healing, while I really had a hard time giving up my trauma attachment, by the time I got to the idea of incorporating joy into my rehabilitation I definitely felt I deserved it. I had struggled and suffered and been miserable for so long I felt I was due some sort of uplifting compensation, even if only an hour a day.
But we’re all different, and I can completely understand the idea there might be guilt associated with feeling good. That would be an impediment to absolute joy-seeking — but not one that can permanently stand in your way!
I’ll give you an example from myself:
For a long time I felt it wasn’t OK to be OK. If I wasn’t suffering from some (often self-initiated) medical trauma then I didn’t feel safe. My original trauma was a medical mistake. My brain became tied to my constant struggling with medical surprises as a way for me to feel secure — if I’m in a medical trauma all the time then a new one won’t surprise me. This sort of thinking is what my mother calls illogical logic!
And she’s right. I had to let go of that feeling that being all right wasn’t right for me. I had to let go of feeling safe if I was miserable, in pain and frightened. You, too, have thoughts to let go of. It’s only natural. Trauma warps us and we don’t see clearly.
What do you see when you think about joy? How do you feel about the idea of possessing that feeling?
I had to bust out of my warped thinking so I could move on to recovery. So do you.
Before we move forward, let’s pause to reflect on your attitude toward joy. What is it?? Share it with me.
BRIDGE THE GAP Exercise
Let’s get some clarity here. How do you feel about the concept of joy? Take some time to answer these questions today:
1. What’s your belief about whether or not you deserve joy?
2. If you do feel guilty about feeling joy, why do you feel that way?
3. How strongly do you believe joy has a place in the PTSD healing process?
4. How strong is your belief you have the capacity for feeling joy?
5. What in your past experience(s) has made you believe what you do when it comes to the idea of joy and your having some for yourself?
It’s always good to take a break in recovery to check out what you’re thinking and see how it might be helping or hurting your journey. Get some clarity today. Bring it back here with you on Monday and we’ll apply your thoughts to the process of overcoming PTSD.
(Photo acknowledgement on Flickr).
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Tags: healing, ptsd, Svasti, The Healing Power of Joy, trauma
What an interesting concept. I just came across this blog. For me my trauma was due to medical negligence/abuse at my son’s birth. I have a hard time with joy because I worry that if I feel again I will be vulnerable again. It’s terrible because I want to be joyful, I have a wonderful little boy, but no, I don’t feel I deserve it. Any of it. I’m overwhelmed with guilt and shame. Feeling joy is to ‘feel’. I abandoned feeling so that I could function.
I got caught by this - feeling guilty about Joy and the right to feel good about things. In my case it was due to preconditions. I think I’m over it now - but it’s taken a lot of work and lots of little “because you’re worth it” treats.
@Bapender — Boy, do I know what you mean! The idea of feeling anything is so complicated after trauma. But what about this, you deserved to survive. What’s more, you deserved the gift of a wonderful little boy, which means you DO deserve the moment you are now in. And, that little boy deserves a mom who feels, and teaches him to feel, and shows him how to experience joy. You abandoned feeling so you could function; good for you, you were strong enough to do that and that’s definitely what needed to be done. But what now? Healing is coming to terms with that you do deserve all of what a joyful life would be. But ok, let’s not go 0-60. How about this small step: what does your son deserve?? I know you believe he deserves joy, and a joyful mom. Would it be comfortable to see things that way, and so begin to break through what was a survival technique but is now just a limiting belief?
@Mike — Do tell! How can all survivors approach instilling a habit of “because I’m worth it” treats?
@Michele:
For once it’s not complicated. You keep giving yourself little treats(subject to affordability and healthiness etc) until you no longer feel guilty, until you forget to think “should I?” or “Do I REALLY deserve this?”
I think you’ve talked about it yourself in the past but I’ll play
t’s like romancing yourself. You’d buy a potential partner or actual partner little random gifts and take them nice places etc. etc. It’s giving yourself that same type of love and attention.
This weekend I’m juggling work and personal needs. I’m off dancing to a “Rappers and Slappers” themed dance. I bought some fake bling for 10 bucks earlier in the week and today I’ve quickly been and bought a cheap dress shirt which I’ve blinged up with some good quality rhinestones.
I’ve spent a few bucks throwing together a one-off costume because I wanted to dress up for dancing and take part in it more fully. It’s money I can afford to blow on a bit of fun.
Tomorrow I’ll have some work to do but I also plan to go out somewhere nice for lunch as a break.
I no longer feel the need to justify how I spend my own money on things that I can afford.
Now it’s time to go dance…
You have a lot of great things to say on this topic.
Erin