PTSD Survivors Speak: Combat PTSD from the Inside, Part 2

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There are some very brave souls among us. This week as we celebrate Veteran’s Day I hope you’ll join me in appreciating all the Allied troops around the world who are putting their lives at risk while the rest of us watch from afar.

Tomorrow evening at 6pm the Heal My PTSD, LLC, BlogTalk radio series is pleased to host Jason Ream, founder of OperationPTSD.com. Michele and Jason will discuss OperationPTSD: From Victim to Victor – a conversation illuminating the OperationPTSD mission, and then applying the quest for PTSD recovery in both the military and civilian populations.

A couple of weeks ago I posted Part One of N.’s story.  Another valiant vet, N.’s story continues today…

My moment of realisation about my own PTSD was one night after watching Jarhead, a film about a US Marine’s experiences of before, during and after the first Gulf war. I found myself sitting with my head in my hands, tears streaming down my face with a burning cigarette in my shaking hands.

The next day I spoke to my mother and finally told her what I had been going through, she asked me to tell her everything and I did, everything. She was not actually that surprised and insisted that I made an appointment with my doctor for help, she told me I was exhibiting the symptoms of PTSD. I went away and researched this and realised she was right. I remember looking at a website and mentally ticking the symptoms off. Yes, it scared me at the time but I was also relieved and I can honestly say that for me, that was a life changing moment. As it turned out I got no help from my doctor but my path to recovery is a story for another day. What I want to emphasise is how important it is to realise and then admit there is a problem.

A recent study of 168,528 Iraq war veterans by the VA estimated that 20 percent were suffering psychological disorders. Personally, I would say the figures are higher than 1 in 5. I argue that nobody returns from military operations the same person. Whether those symptoms show themselves immediately, as with me, or later in life is largely irrelevant. The point is that they will show themselves.

Sadly our governments have shown themselves to be incapable of dealing with the issue. This is not a political statement but physical wounds are clear to see, mental ones are not and often (thankfully not always) it is only those of us that have suffered that understand. A great example of this was described to me recently: If a member of the public sees someone with missing arms, legs or scars they will often feel pity, maybe even organise help. If they see someone staggering towards them clutching a can of beer, having slept in a bush, they will cross the road. Yet the wounds are just as real.

Wherever you are in the world there are likely to be groups able to help, in the UK we have Talking2Minds and Combat Stress (sadly they are charities). However, and this is my point, they cannot help unless you realise your problem and start taking the steps to get yourself better. I have written before how I was so very lucky. I was lucky my condition was caught early and lucky that I had a family who understood the symptoms and insisted I sought help. I realise this is unlikely to be the case for a lot of people.

Yet this also reinforces my point further, as soon as you think you have some issues seek help early before it ruins your life and the lives of those around you. Even if you do not think you have a problem, look at a website, familiarise yourself with the symptoms, it really is no different from checking your body for cancerous lumps. Prevention is far better than cure, yes it’s a cliché but better catch it early than have to go through hell before you realise.

As an ex-infantryman I realise there are issues we face admitting to these problems. We don’t talk about feelings, do we? Admitting mental problems is weak, isn’t it? Wrong! This is the biggest mission for people like me: getting tough soldiers to admit they are suffering. Once you make that admission, once you make that one phone call or, if like me, you are too nervous, drop an email. You really will have jumped the biggest hurdle.

If any of you want to talk about anything (within reason, I am British and know nothing of your football, baseball or the bouncy ball game with the hoops) feel free to drop me a line at lex@oedipuslex.co.uk. I’ve mentioned this plenty but I was on the front line with the infantry, I’ve got tattoos and I can probably down a beer quicker than you! Seriously, I’ve been there, I understand and I’m coming out the other side — hopefully as a lawyer.

N. spent 7 years in the British army serving in an infantry regiment in Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone and Iraq. Since leaving he has battled with PTSD almost constantly. N. now works in a large investment bank while training, part-time to become a lawyer. He also writes on PTSD including his own experiences on his own website as well as others. As if this isn’t enough N. has been contacted by various charities to help them work with ex-servicemen and women, particularly those suffering with PTSD.

For more of N.s POV check out his blog, Oedipus Lex.

Tags: heal my ptsd, jason ream, operationptsd, ptsd, recovery, vet, Veterans healing