Meandering Michele’s Mind: Why Did I End Up with PTSD?
Thursday, November 5th, 2009 • Uncategorized •
On Sidran.org you can read this:
PTSD can affect anyone at any age who has been exposed to a traumatic event where he/she experienced terror, threat (or perceived threat) to life, limb or sanity, and his/her ability to cope was overwhelmed. Conservative estimates show that 9-10 percent of the general population has PTSD. Among people who were victims of specific traumatic experiences (rape, child abuse, violent assaults, etc.), the rate of PTSD is 60-80 percent.
Somewhere else I read that up to 70% of adults in the U.S. will experience a traumatic event in their lifetime. Of those, only 20% develop PTSD.
I read that and wonder, Why is that? Why don’t they all suffer symptoms and after effects post trauma?
As of yesterday at 3:30pm the U.S. population = 307,858,902. If even only 10% of those people have PTSD that’s over 30.7 million. A staggering number.
Even more staggering: the number of people who are traumatized and DO NOT end up with PTSD. What’s so special about them? What do they do differently than those of us here? Why do they survive and carry on their merry way?
I have a friend who was recently in a horrific car accident. Her take on it: “Well, I’m alive, aren’t I? How bad could it be?” And I’m left wondering, What the hell’s wrong with you? This is IMPORTANT!
But maybe she’s right. Maybe the whole reason I ended up with PTSD is because I wasn’t able to see my trauma as just a blip, an event to be survived just like any other day.
No, I survived and started questioning things: Did I have the right to survive? Was I making my survival worthwhile? Was my trauma going to reoccur?
I survived and needed to pay extra attention, think and remain alert and aware. Someting important had just occurred. I had to think about it a lot.
And my friend? She junked her car, leased a new one and got right back on the road. Her ‘trauma’ was just another day on I-95, just another ride on Florida’s most dangerous highway.
I’m thinking today that while there may be (as recently reported) genetic dispositions and environmental factors in our PTSD evolution, I’m not buying that’s the crux of the answer to why. I think at the bottom of all our predispositions is the matter of How. How do you see trauma? And how is that different from someone else? How do you feel afterward? And how is that different than someone else?
I was in New York City on 9/11. I already had PTSD, so I’ll take myself out of the equation but the point is this: studies have shown that people in the exact same location at the same time surviving the same disaster did not have the same response to the event. There is an individual difference. One that comes down to the interior mind.
And so I wonder again, How is that possible? How did they do that?
In the end, it seems to me to boil down to a matter of INTERPRETATION. I interpreted traumatic events as BIG and IMPORTANT and LIFE-ALTERING. My friend doesn’t.
What I’m wondering today is what you all think. Why did we become this ‘elite’ group of survivors?
(Photo:
Tags: 9/11, healing, Meandering Michele's Mind, post-trauma, ptsd, survivor, symptoms, trauma
Loading ...
I think there’s two aspects:
1. Single ‘quick’ events are somewhat different from trauma over a prolonged period. Prolonged exposure is much more likely to lead to changes in physiology.
2. I think the core of PTSD is really about when core beliefs that we hold about ourselves and the world are found to be mostly wrong. That leads to a shattering of the Ego since it is (almost by definiton) built up of such beliefs.
3. Preconditions are significant – are we physically and mentally primed for PTSD and it just takes one big thing to instigate it.
In my case there were several traumatic events over several days which acted as the trigger for PTSD and then the ongoing court case which took years during which I could not know whether the life I knew was ending or merely interrupted. It’s almost like being in hospital and in response to the question “Am I going to die?” they say “We don’t know”.
Can you tell that I think as I write. There are three aspects…
Hi,
I think, it mostly depends on our upbringing- that seems to be the main criteria. How our parents brought us into this world. We were given self-value, self-worth etc. There is no doubt that there is the genetic component.
sam:
You are right. There must also be a genetic component as well as upbringing. The science supports both of these things. Likewise the events leading up to the trauma can also prime things.
One person might show now ill effects from a traumatic incident but if they had five in a row they might then go on to develop PTSD. Or maybe one incident doesn’t have any effect on them but another one of equal or lesser serverity does because it’s in conflict with what they belief. PTSD after all contains a significant component that is about the inablity to accept this new reality.
Hey Mike, I had a single, relatively “quick” incident and still ended up with PTSD.
I think when you wrote “Preconditions are significant”, that’s important. I’ve been writing a post (still in draft format) that relates to Michele’s post, and about my preconditions. Because I think they do kind of ‘soften us up’, so to speak.
Definitely part of my preconditions were upbringing, but also what I’ll call “low-level” abuse on an emotional and physical level for much of my young life. I was already used to that and perhaps that was part of the problem? But it was many years ago by the time I was violently assaulted. Perhaps though, the difference was the utter surprise factor involved?
And perhaps, that night cracked the wounds I’d been carrying wide open. I sort of think in retrospect I was grieving for much more than that one moment. Perhaps everything finally caught up with me…
I don’t know, but that’s sort of where I’m at in my thinking right now!
@Everyone — Oh dear, I’m getting really nervous about how your explanations apply to me and what they reveal about my obviously distorted mind back then.
I had an idyllic childhood. I had fabulous parents, a terrific brother and a secure and happy homelife. And yet, one enormous catastrophic event sent me so deep into PTSD hell my mind and then my body broke and shut down.
Hmmm, what does this say about me? No, wait! What does this say about PTSD?
Maybe “why” we end up with PTSD is as individual as our traumas themselves. Maybe in PTSD the only universal aspect is the experience of the symptoms b/c our predispositions and traumas all remain so highly personalized.
Which leads me back, I think, to interpretation, and the role of beliefs…. This is maddening! PTSD is a wily sucker.
do you think if your family had paid less attention to what happened to you and how you were feeling that you would have paid less attention yourself?
this blog poses an interesting question. what have you decided??
e.
Michele:
I think you are mis-remembering a little. Your situation went on for quite some time in the hospital and anyone would find what you went through to be traumatic. Whether they’ then go on to develop PTSD no-one knows.
If we look at the Vets coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan you can see quite high occurrences of PTSD. Afghanistan/Iraq are hot conflicts so soldiers can expect prolonged exposure to danger. These are people who have trained for such things and are at peak physical fitness when they go over there. Many still go on to develop PTSD.
Maybe the question needs to be flipped.
If you were training someone to not get PTSD what would be needed?
“On Tuesday 10th December at 5pm you will see your daughter raped and killed in your home by an intruder. You are unable to prevent it becasue he has an accomplice with a gun”. “How do you help prevent PTSD?”
@Mike — Interesting idea, to train for it. And here’s what’s even more interesting: the military does just that kind of training, both on the offensive and defensive and troops who have never seen combat, only been in training, are developing PTSD. Which means even training may not prevent symptoms….
So then where are we? Does the key lie in AFTER care?? In a sort of psycholgical debriefing process that helps the mind integrate the trauma immediately?
@Michele:
If we can agree that PTSD is not entirely random but depends on the person as much as the conditions then it might be an idea to look at people who don’t get PTSD and see how they are different from people who did get PTSD.
The people who don’t suffer from PTSD – say coming back from Iraq/Afghanistan – have been through the same stuff as their colleagues did. Did they perceive the same level of trauma physically and mentally or was it that they didn’t resist it and were able to integrate it as any other life experience.
I have a sneaking suspicion that to ‘heal’ from PTSD what you actually do is become much more like the people who didn’t get it in the first place subject to the limits of physiology.
I’ve [largely] healed PTSD by effectively becoming a different person with a different outlook on life. If I’d been that person six years ago would I have developed PTSD? I don’t know.
@Mike — We CAN agree: random elementsd + individual orientation. Yes!
Wouldn’t it be great to fund a study where we could interview people who survive trauma and don’t get PTSD? As you already know, we can learn so much from modeling.
Do you think you could have become this new person if you hadn’t had to heal? Or does healing, er, bring out the best in us?
@Michele:
A study would be productive. Vets make an ideal group because you can be pretty sure one troop stays together. We could at least end up with a definition of ‘healthy’.
Post-divorce, pre-trauma I’d already started on building this new person. Everything I’ve done post-trauma was a continuation of work started pre-trauma. What I did do is up the pace somewhat
due to increased motivation.
A meditation program was in place, as was a dance program as was a desire to ‘start over’ and ‘try new things’ and so on coupled with actually doing it.
To understand PTSD, you cannot take the genetic vulnerability out of the equation. To do so would be to blame the victim and to romanticize an illness that is debilitating and no one’s fault. Any attempt to de-medicalize a neurological brain disease is futile and irresponsible.
@ottawasteph – Thanks for your comment! I agree, PTSD is no one’s fault and we don’t want to romanticize things but… PTSD is not a ‘disease’, it is a pschological disorder, so we also do not want to make it more grave and out of our control than it is.
I had an interesting chat with a neuroscientist at a trauma conference. He suggested healing is ultimately possible because the medical side of things aren’t stronger than the psychological side.
Check out his thoughts here: http://healmyptsd.com/2009/06/healing-ptsd-why-we-don%e2%80%99t-want-to-seek-help-and-the-1-reason-we-really-really-should-part-2.html
And then, taking the genetic vulnerability wherever it plays a factor, do you think there’s a way to avoid PTSD if we better understand the difference between why some people have it and some don’t?
ottawasteph:
No-one is taking genetic vulnerability out of the equation. Both Michele and I are writing as people who have had to deal with PTSD. We are not discussing where fault might lie – such a thing is utterly pointless. If anything I and probably Michele are clear enough on the genetic contribution that it’s taken as a given.
It’s clear to me that early life experiences had primed my brain to be more susceptible to PTSD and that priming in turn probably was significant because of an inbuilt susceptability.
I have no romantic notions at all about PTSD after having lived through it. Likewise I do not blame myself for having PTSD and do not blame Michele for having PTSD. You are being very simplistic.
But there is a fundamental point and that is that PTSD is not a neurological brain diseases. There are many neurological brain diseases but PTSD is not one of them even if there may be neurological predispositons and even if there may be neurological consequences since one of the effects of PTSD is to change parts of the brain to make you more susceptable to behaviour arising out of over-activity of parts of the brain.
The question is not how we got here or what the causes are the question is how to make it stop.
It is absolutely clear that the treatment of PTSD involves treatments which are distinctly non-medical in nature and the use of Pharma does seem to be limited to temporary symptoms management.
If PTSD was a purely neurological disease then you’d expect that chemical treatment would be the primary way to achieve a cure. This is not the case. There are no chemical treatments for PTSD. There are no surgical treatments for PTSD. There is no antigen that we can take to remove something alien from our system. There is no gene that has been isolated that determines PTSD. PTSD does not appear spontaneously. It requires a trigger. The triggers are of a significant nature and clearly defined in DSM and do not show anything that would typically desccribe a diseas or disability as we commonly understand it.
I never cared about WHY I had PTSD. I cared about making it stop. I never admitted to having it until I was well on the way to dealing with it. I never used it as an excuse for failure to deliver at work.
I don’t consider myself to be a victim of PTSD. I consider my own PTSD to be like tripping over on a pavement and breaking a leg. I care about making it better. I don’t care to sue the pavement. I don’t care to moan about my poor genetic makeup. I don’t care to moan that calcium intake might have prevented it. Instead I care about “Will a cast help me to heal” “Will Ibuprofen manage the pain or make matters worse” and so on.
The very real danger with PTSD is the belief that we are helpless to do anything about it. That is the lie. To suggest that PTSD is a neurological brain disease without hard data is just to set ourselves up to be helpless little victims. Screw that!
Women fighting in Iran are suffering from PSTD. They’ve seen and done things women in the States haven’t seen nor experienced. They are having particular issues with re-admission into society after returning home.
I don’t know if PSTD has a pre-condition. I don’t know if it has any relationship to having or not having core values and beliefs. With the number of people I’ve met and worked with PSTD just “is”; like blue eyes and brown eyes. Unlike eye color, however, it is treatable; to the point that a PSTD sufferer wants to be treated.
A very well known psychologist in St. Louis explained that it is one leg of a 3-legged stool (I believe she was quoting from an author on the topic – don’t know the book name). All three legs have to be addressed to get the right balance.
All cases of Trauma (emotionally and physically) if left untreated/dealt with (or suppressed memories) have the potential to cause difficulties in life. With PTSD in particular, people are left with an immense sense of isolation. I have experience of dealing with both repressed memories and PTSD from a Hypnotherapy stand point, the key to recovery is firstly releasing the pent up emotion associated with that event or sequence (this can take quite some time) As well as pnotherapyI accompany this treatment with EFT for faster and more effective results. People also coming for their addictions have been noted to have suppressed emotional and physical pain through the use of drugs, alcohol and other addictive behaviour.
People have different coping strategies and support groups, which help them through an adjustment period as well as having colleagues to share with can provide and understanding and separate vent for feelings.
Following the release of negative emotions, work can then be done to strengthen the ‘Ego’ or sense of self, as well as dealing with the other issues that are raised within the consultation. Treating PTSD can take time and you would expect a minimum of 12 sessions of Hypnotherapy in combination with EFT for lasting results.
It was 35 years after my injury before we ever considered or acknowledged my PTSD. Perhaps we our conclusion about %’s affected are much higher
@Karen — Thanks for your comment and sharing your experience. (If you’d like to expand it into guest post feel free to email me.) I would like to suggest that we not put boundaries on what means must be used to heal and how long healing will take. As you noted, everyone is individual. Some people (for example, me) heal with hypno in much less than 12 sessions and completely without the use of EFT. In my own practice I work solely with PTSD survivors and we achieve results quickly and also without EFT. So, let’s not set up expectations. Everyone’s therapeutic journey will take as long as they need it to take. There is no minimum or maximum and lasting results can be achieved in a variety of ways.
@Mark — I totally agree! I think the numbers are enormously greater, for the reason that so many are undiagnosed, in denial or misdiagnosed to begin with. Our mission is to raise awareness and education in hopes of getting more people more accurate help more quickly. Glad to have you with us!
As far as combat PTSD goes I think it is culture. We do not glorify the killing of the enemy. We do not see our own efforts as heroic. We are not a warrior people. We bring our civilized selves to battle. And the battle field is not a civil place.
@Kent – I think you bring up a stunning point that too often gets overlooked. In your opinion, what can be done to bridge the gap between the civilized self, the one that goes into battle, and the one who comes back?
I’ll happy to talk to you. My mother killed herself and my lifelong friend died when I was at college.
While I have the heriditary depression, I have none of the the trauma. Sometimes I get annoyed at people who have lived through less and claim to be traumatised, but that’s not their fault.
Wow! I feel a fish out of the water in this discussion. I believe it depends how much weight we give to the event. I think I tend to be like your friend Michele. I had a lot of what you would call stressful events, and some of my friends have asked me more than once how I have the strenght to keep on going. To me is just you have to look ahead and not look behind. You can’t let what has happened yesterday determine your life tomorrow.It is over…learn from it, but move on. I have had two major car accidents, my house burned down to the ground and lost every single thing I owned…I was hill very bad and almost died once…I think I have been blessed so many times….I just count my blessing…why don’t I have PTSD? I am not sure….maybe to me this experiences were not traumatic. I mean, don’t give me wrong. It took me a while to gain myself and put myself together, but I think the love of the people around us is the key that help us move on and not make it a PTSD.
I have one more question to throw in the equation and don’t know if anybody has thought about it or not and maybe it means nothing but I would like to ask, of all the people that are suffering from PTSD or had suffering from PTSD do they have people that depend on them? And the people that did not allow PTSD to creep in, do they have people who truly depend on them to be a rock?
@Sonia — You’re only a fish out of water on this site! In the rest of the world WE are the fish out of water, so don’t worry.
Obviously you have a tremendous amount of strength and a wonderful ability to keep your perspective properly focused. Thanks for sharing your thoughts as we all do learn from others who have survived and not fallen into the PTSD mindset.
In answer to your question, which brings up an interesting point about how having our focus forced outside of ourselves may be helpful in resilience, I would throw this wrench: many of us survived traumas as children, in which case we’re too young to have others depending on us and so we don’t have that aspect as a factor in our post-trauma experience.
There are many children that although they are children they believe their parent are too weak or sick and they have to be strong for them, so even though they are not really the one the family count of, in their mind, they are. Have you thought about it?
@Sonia — Sure, I know what you mean, but in my practice I have clients who’ve been abused since birth, in which case PTSD symptoms begin before they even develop a sense of what you’re suggesting. So, what you’re saying is completely valid but, as with all trauma, I think, applies on an individual basis. And there’s the rub! While PTSD is universal our traumas and histories are so individual it’s hard to pinpoint one standard of why or how we all end up in the same place.
Fair enough. You are the expert. I was trying to find on why some develop and why some not. I thought that could have been a good reason but I guess is not applicable. I do believe love, support and trust the key to get over it though. So I do agree with you on that one. Good luck with your book.
I had a abusive childhood and was sent to my grandmothers place when i was just one month old. After 4 years i was taken back to my parents house my dad was a drinker and very violent and mom was not caring or understanding. She would never pay attention or talk with us.
I was good in studies and completed my graduation but i had social issues, lack of friends and suffered from on and off depression
also i was sexually abused as a child.
today there is total isolation and fear. I avoid interacting with people and also i avoid going out or meeting new people. I have shut myself inside the house. Medical treatment did not help. They said im normal and nothing is wrong with me.
Also i suffer from continous depression and im not on any medication. Any major event in my life just triggers PTSD and then i go into major depression.
@Mike Hinsley,
What you said about getting up and working on the issue rather than blaming the society, parents, upbringing etc I totally agree with you.
I tried my best I learnt meditation, controlled my anger, practiced spirituality, today i have calmed down but the situation and interaction with people have not changed. I have become more and more introverted and isolated and a lot confused.
People have different responses to trauma, but that’s not to say that all the responses are healthy or unhealthy. Some people who did not react to 9/11 for example might be dissociating. I’ve seen people who act like traumatic events are nothing – I think they run a bigger risk of acting out their trauma since they never really processed it.
I’m somewhere in the middle. I don’t tend to suffer from PTSD and my memories of traumatic events are pretty sharp. I also process things as they are happening and this has kept me from getting hysterical when something bad happens. But that’s not to say that I don’t suffer. In some ways, I have suffered more because I allow myself to think through traumas and I don’t allow myself to block things out.
I have been through so much though – very little of it due to internal problems – that I am traumatized by the fact I can’t discuss my trauma with people without either getting rejected for having baggage or because they themselves become traumatized by hearing it.
I guess what I have to say is that those with PTSD suffer, but really all people who experience trauma suffer in different ways, whether they are aware of it or not. I don’t know what’s better for survival. I suppose ultimately physically disengaging from those things that produce trauma is the healthiest way to go – whether that means a person, a country, or a politic.