Treating PTSD: When Your Healing Hits A Wall
Wednesday, October 21st, 2009 • Uncategorized •
Sometimes my PTSD healing would sail along: I’d go to therapy, do the talking thing, a little EMDR or EFT, or TFT, or TAT (do you have the feeling I’d try anything?!!), feel real proud of myself for being able to keep up with appointments and dig through the past according to what, how, when, and why my therapist thought I should.
There were weeks I really thought we were getting somewhere, when I was painfully honest and thoughtful and fearless and willing to face what needed to be faced. Some weeks I’d walk around after therapy sessions thinking, “Damn, I’m good!”
And then when I least expected it I’d hit a wall. It could come out of nowhere and just appear. Or, it could rise right up in the middle of a session and that was it: shut down mode, ASAP!
Then I’d walk around for weeks thinking, “Sh-t, I’m awful!” and “I’m never going to heal!” and my momentum spiraled down the drain of my despair and then it would begin: The Long Stall, in which I’d wallow for who knew how long until something — inevitably me — would lift me out of it.
It’s tough to exist in that stalled space. You get so bogged down in its bad energy, so stifled by its negativity you feel you may as well just lie down and die that slow emotional death PTSD seems to promise.
But is that really the thing to do? And who, if not you, is going to get you out of that space?
Today’s BTG Big Question: Are you doing what it takes to jumpstart your stall?
The most important thing to remember when healing skips a beat is that this is a normal part of growing and evolving toward health. Things will sneak up and surprise you. Parts of healing will be draining and sap your energy. You have to be prepared for this, accept it, and after an appropriate amount of time, put in play a plan.
Your healing isn’t measured by whether or not it stalls, it’s built on how often you say, “Start me up!” and get going again. Healing is a continuum. You don’t lose ground when you stall, you just lose time, which means it’s always worth it to get back on track.
In my own experience, I had to wallow for a while, cry a lot, be mopey, weary and depressed for a few weeks, and then get really sick of myself before I could do one of the following:
- go back to therapy and approach the thing that made the wall
- shake off some feeling of fear, get a little distance and summon some bravery to move forward
- give myself a pep talk
- get my mom to give me a pep talk
- get my therapist to give me a pep talk
- look back at the progress I’d already made and believe I could make some more
- imagine in full color my future if I did not heal
OK, so that’s a short list of how I got going again when I stalled. What has worked for you??
(Photo: Komatoes {busy}, Soul Concept)
Tags: Doing Whatever It Takes To Heal, helaing, ptsd, therapist, therapy
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It is hard, when you find yourself suddenly getting nowhere!
I’ve had so many moments like that, and for all I know, I could have more in the future! Perhaps I’m on this very pleasant upward swing for now, and maybe there’s still more to heal that I’m yet to uncover.
I used to get really upset about hitting those walls, but now I’ve learned that its my body/mind’s way of telling me it was time to step back, try a different way.
Also, I think its important to keep trying different kinds of therapy, whatever is going to work for you. Further, its possible that what worked once won’t help you in the same way next time… least that’s been my experience.
I found myself going in the right direction with therapy. I had a pretty good therapist I thought at first. He was a veteran like myself, not so sure about combat vet, but he was ex military and I felt a little more comfortable talking with him. I spoke with him about all my problems dealing with PTSD, my symptoms and further. He asked me to write down what symptoms I had , how often ,etc. So, I did just what he asked me. I brought the list to him to read and he had the audacity to call me a hypochondriac!!!!! I felt crossed at that moment. Hypochondriac defined a liar to me, or a person who malangers. I immediately hit a brick wall there and havent been able to touch ground with a therapist since then. How can I help myself with a situation like that.
@Jason – Great question! First answer: Not every therapist is a) the one for you, b) good at his job, c) operating with the best intentions.
When you find yourself unhappy with the therapist that’s letting you know you need to find a new one. By dropping out of therapy altogether you lose. But your plan should be to win! New strategy: find a new therapist to help get your healing back on track.
Feel free to email me privately to further discuss this. I’m happy to help. There are options for you and recovery is waiting.
You will have to be careful when you hit that emotional wall. Need to keep in mind “thoughts become things.” One negative core belief can block your success.
I feel like I hit ‘walls’ too often. One question I have is why do I have so many flashbacks after 20 years of therapy. How long does it take? They do not occur as often, but still…I was expecting them to just eventually stop. Any ideas…I just found this blog recently. I suppose I need to go through it all. Thanks for your help.