PTSD Survivors Speak: Combat PTSD from the Inside, Part 1

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There are some vets who are really getting out there in the PTSD world and talking — about the stigma of mental health (check out OperationPTSD’s latest post), about recognizing the need for help, and then about actually going after and getting the help you need to heal combat PTSD.

I have tremendous admiration for those vets who come through the trauma of their service and then turn their warrior minds to attack the PTSD problem.

Today, a guest post from a vet on the other side of the pond. N. is the author of the blog Oedipus Lex, a blog that tackles important vet and PTSD issues head on.

Combat PTSD from the Inside

I have been asked to write a series of articles about a subject close to my heart, PTSD. But where to start? How do you write about something you don’t fully understand yourself? I first thought that maybe I should write about the condition in general, quoting statistics and academic works of research. Possibly. I then wondered if I should write about the lack of government sponsored treatment and facilities. Again, possibly. I considered if I should write about the people helping us, sacrificing their time and money. Later.

No, now I am going to write about my experiences and how I came to realise that I had a problem, one that needs dealing with. I served for seven years in the British army. As a member of one of the hardest infantry regiments I spent most of my career on operations as far flung as Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone and of course, Iraq. In total I spent 4 and a half years on active operations and if I wasn’t on them I was training for them on exercises. It is important to realise that the brain often does not differentiate between what is real and what is simulated, that is the reason that when something you have trained for actually happens, you often go through your drills without thinking. So in my subconscious I had been deployed almost constantly for 7 years.

I have read that in many cases PTSD does not reveal itself for years. Not so in my case. I had been out of the army for around a year when it finally dawned on me that I had a problem. I had been drinking heavily, not on my own — there was no way I was an alcoholic, but when out with friends. Most of these sessions ended in me having a complete blackout but the next morning I usually had a sickening feeling I had done something terrible. This peaked when I woke one morning with the vague memory of having got drunk and driven my car around town deliberately crashing into things.

Then there were the nightmares. I’d been getting having horrendous dreams, not every night but frequently. I won’t go into details but one night I woke up screaming, grabbed my then girlfriend and head-butted her, there was blood everywhere, she was screaming and I had no idea what had happened – I was scared. Yet still I did not recognise my problem – how could I though? I had never been made aware of the symptoms, I am not entirely sure I had even heard of PTSD at that point. Sure, I had heard of shell shock and the 1000 yard stare but I hadn’t been in the trenches of the Somme or on the Normandy beaches, it didn’t even occur to me….

N. spent 7 years in the British army serving in an infantry regiment in Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone and Iraq. Since leaving he has battled with PTSD almost constantly. N. now works in a large investment bank while training, part-time to become a lawyer. He also writes on PTSD including his own experiences on his own website as well as others. As if this isn’t enough N. has been contacted by various charities to help them work with ex-servicemen and women, particularly those suffering with PTSD.

To read the rest of N.’s story click here. If you’d like to submit a post for the column please contact us.

(Photo: A deployed Soldier (OIF))

Tags: combat ptsd, heal, veterans, Veterans healing, warrior mind