Treating PTSD: Your Worst Behavior is a Good Thing
Friday, September 25th, 2009 • Uncategorized •
I’m going to tell you something that might sound crazy: Every behavior you have is motivated by a positive impulse. That’s right: Even your worst, most destructive act comes into being through a desire for some positive outcome.
Right now some of you are thinking, “I drink way too much,” or “I’m addicted to coke,” or “I have an eating disorder,” and you’re wondering what could be the positive impulse behind that. Let’s think about it for a moment.
What do those behaviors seek to do? They are attempts to numb you. Release you from pain. Provide escape. All positive impulses to relieve fear, anxiety and sadness.
Want further clarity? I’ll share something about myself: My trauma happened when I was 13. By the time I was 18 I was a devout anorectic. For the next 20 years I struggled with an internal war between my body’s controlling needs and my need to control my body. It was not a war that went went for either me or my body.
Still, the impulse was positive. The way I saw it, during my trauma my body betrayed me in a horrific way. Afterward, I determined to terrorize, torture and control that body so I felt safe; so I felt secure; so my body didn’t surprise me again.
And there was another positive impulse: like an athlete training I determined to continually push my body to its limits so that if another trauma occurred I’d be ready.
None of this, of course, was logical or thought out. I didn’t understand until many years later, when I understood PTSD and what it does to our minds and motivations, what was going on.
While you’re developing your goals it’s important to make sure they preserve the intention of your present state. That is, for all of the behaviors you’re seeking to change — the hypervigilance, hyperarousal and rage — the end result must satisfy the positive intention behind these behaviors.
Healing PTSD isn’t just about letting go of the past, pffft!, it’s about resolving your issues with it. If you have a great desire to feel safe, your goals must encompass that as the end result. If you have a need for justice, your goals must have that incorporated into the final outcome.
In healing PTSD you are not looking to demolish who you are but to honor that self and evolve it to something more happy, balanced, productive and at peace. If a feeling of safety is important to you but you design goals without that in mind then it will be difficult to get the results you seek.
Your behaviors speak to what you want and need. Are you listening?
BRIDGE THE GAP Exercise
Consider all of your most extreme behaviors - the good, the bad and the ugly. Make a list. Write them out so you can see them.
Now, go over the list carefully. Taking one at a time consider the behavior and ask youself, “How is this action trying to help me?”
A good way to do this is to do some 4-square breathing first (close your eyes, breathe in 4 counts, hold 4 counts, release 4 counts). Imagine the destructive behavior. Make a picture in your mind of yourself doing it.
When the picture is stable in your mind, ask your self in the picture, “What are you trying to get for me with this behavior?” Sit quietly. The answer will come. Your self with speak.
You know why you do everything you do. Listen for the knowledge you hold within you.
(Photos: mauriXfiles, dj bridget)
Tags: fear, hyperarousal, ptsd, rage hypervigilance, Setting Healing Goals, treat
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every time I read some thing on here that you wrote Michele I swear its like you are writing just to me and you know me so well. This PTSD is hard work, but now I dont feel so bad about my rage and the people I attacked with it.. I do see the good in that now and see my mind and body wanted out of the stress out of the pain out of those peoples reach. It was protecting me when I wouldnt does that make since. Thank you again for a great blog.
[...] How Your Worst Behavior Can Be A Good Thing [...]
hey! i wasn’t drunk when they took that photo… it was just a prop. :\
It’s a great photo! The prop is perfect.
The saddest thing of all is that we see our body, the scene of the trauma, as the enemy. Our bodies can’t help but contain and recycle the memories … and yes, every behaviour eventually makes sense. They’re all attempts to soothe or numb or obliviate or otherwise try to ‘cast out the demons’. None of them, ultimately, work.
There’s nothing to cast out … that’s the thing. How we choose to live with what our bodies have survived and contained … It’s a lifetime journey, and sometimes we do it one breath at a time …