PTSD Survivors Speak: Wife of a Wounded Marine

I met Cleve’s wife, Karie, through her blog, Wife of a Wounded Marine. I immediately loved her spunk, tenacity, love for her husband and dedication to pulling back together a life interrupted and challenged by the hardships of war. Recently, I asked her a few questions about her experience and perspective. Here’s what she said…

What’s the hardest part of dealing with a vet struggling with PTSD?

One of the hardest things for me is figuring out what part of my husband is PTSD, and what part is actually him. It’s getting easier now, but it was very difficult at first. We fought a lot. And yes, we still get in fights, but I do not raise my voice anymore because I know it’s pointless now. I try very hard not to contribute to arguments. I have to just let things go. Another difficult thing is getting the tough skin and not letting things he doesn’t mean affect me. Again, it took me a while but it gets easier over time. I find myself stepping back from the situation and changing the subject a lot. It helps diffuse the situation. When you love someone, you figure out what works.

What actions have you taken to try to make things better?

We have gone to counseling and are going to go again. I have tried talking to him, which works sometimes. Other times, it just makes him angry. You figure out when you need to just stop and walk away. I’m still working on it myself. He has squishy Cleve, and mean Cleve. It’s really corny but that’s what I call his two personalities. Squishy Cleve is his normal, nice self. Mean Cleve is him when his anger takes over. I think sometimes I try to compensate for his anger. Be overly nice and strive to be the perfect wife hoping it will outweigh the negativity. In some situations it’s worked. I just refuse to fight anymore. With PTSD you can’t. You’ll go in circles.

What has worked for you personally in handling Cleve’s behavior? How do you help yourself?

I blog for one. I can’t explain how much it has helped me. I can go back in my blog and see how I reacted on the last situation and try to react better the next time. I have also gone to counseling on and off. It helps and I should probably go more. I’m working on that. I try to keep myself educated on PTSD as well. The more I know, the better I am at reacting in bad situations. Also, making sure I am busy in SOME way really helps. I think when it comes down to it, doing the best to keep myself healthy mentally is the best way to deal with him mentally.

What do you plan to do to make a new life now that Cleve’s back home?

Well, everything is really in the air right now. I don’t know how things are going to play out and to be honest am just scheming ways to survive in the worst case scenerio. More than anything though, I just want us to be happy. Wherever we are, whatever we’re doing, that’s all I want. I assume I will start school. He wants to as well. I’ll cook him meals every night, we’ll go on dates, we’ll go on the boat with our friends on the weekends. We are just ready to live without hospitals, without doctors, and without fights. We will have to go to counseling for a while, and we have a lot to work on, but that’s ok. It’s part of life. I just plan to live the life we’ve been given in the best way I can with the person I love more than anything in the world.

‘Survivors Speak’ is a weekly feature written by or interviewing a survivor/PTSD experiencer about some positive aspect of healing. If you would like to participate in the series (anonymously if you prefer), please Contact Michele.

Tags: combat ptsd, help, karie fugett, miliitary, ptsd, vets, wife of a wounded marine