Comments on: Meandering Michele’s Mind: In PTSD, Who Are We?

By: Michele

Michele — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 01:19:09 +0000

@Jaliya, Michelle and Susan — So what it sounds like is that we all agree we’re changed… and then there’s the idea that we can choose — who we become, how we take care of ourselves, how and when we move forward. I’d like to think that we find a new ‘normal’ – one that incorporates what we’ve experienced and how we’ve fought to survive with another kind of life, one where we are free to feel joy and experience who we might be if fate would only give us some breathing room. We might not be who we could have been, but as Susan says, we wouldn’t be who we are now, either. The goal then, I guess, becomes finding out who we are now and approaching that in a positive, adventurous way. Tough to do but, maybe, the only thing worth doing.

By: Susan

Susan — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 15:19:01 +0000

Michele – this is a question I have been asking myself quite a bit lately. As a “survivor” of early child abuse etc I never had a chance to decide who I was…or who I wanted to be. I have spent a lifetime trying to be “good enough” for others outside of myself to validate my existence. It has been long in coming but I am moving from “survivor” to “I am” and all that entails – discovering what I like, don’t like, learning to make friends…so for me…I am shedding “survivor” and moving to finding purpose, meaning and mission as I make meaning of my experiences and relish this found joy in having a right to “exist”. For me the term “recovery” really doesnt seem to apply as I travel this path and journey of “self discovery”.

So yes; I was forever changed by the experiences of my life – there is no “old self” to return to. I will never be what I could have been had I been raised in a different environment – but I would not be who I am now either.

By: Michelle Tackabery

Michelle Tackabery — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 12:57:27 +0000

Of course we are changed; there is no going back to what we were, ever. Human beings are creatures of time and time always goes forward. Even if we had not experienced trauma, we would be changed from who we were before. Life is change, and people are never the same. Being a survivor means understanding that reality and never trying to go back and never again looking for normal. This is our reality, the way we are now, and moving forward is all we have.

By: Jaliya

Jaliya — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 14:39:19 +0000

Everyone’s experience of who they are post-trauma is unique … In my own situation, my traumas begain with birth (if not before) … There is definitely a “furious spark” in the core of me — my life force, my élan vital — and I have had to accept and come to compassionate terms with glitches in my physiology, brain function, metabolism, etc., that have been with me all my life.

I agree that self-perception is urgently important … and we must also honour and take good care of our bodies and brains … I’ve become so much more practical about the aftermaths that I live with … Taking care of the basics –> breath, appetite/nutrition, sleep, movement … I was “frozen” so young, and it remains a daily effort to move with volition through the world …

By: Michele

Michele — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 01:28:22 +0000

@ Jamie — You bring up a really great point, but I still have to wonder: are WE changed, or our perspective? Meaning, for so long I felt that it was not possible for me to ever be happy or to truly laugh or to live a life out of the fog and in some sort of meaningful pursuit.

But over time I discovered that my essential self – that self who thinks and feels and acts – was there all along waiting for my perceptions to heal and allow my true self to regain control. It was almost as if I was shocked by trauma and I had to wait for the shock to wear off before I could become myself again.

Like you say about your being friends with people older — I’m like that, too, even today. But I see that more as that our perspective has changed not our essential selves. What do you think of that idea?

By: Jamie

Jamie — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 22:38:10 +0000

Stumbled across this site through DS, and I must say I am a fan of it! Brilliant. As for who we are, I do think we are changed forever. Some sort of an indelible change takes place in us in times of trauma and in the supposed “healing” period after. And I think forever after. The kind of changes that dispose of the old versions of ourselves. In my case, the traumas started at 18 years old, major ones ended at 21 years old. Now I sit at 22 years of age, and I cannot have any type of friendship or relationship with anyone my own age, because everything seems so petty, so meaningless. I find my best and closest friends now are at least 10 years my senior. And thats okay. So I think it certainly changes us, our perspectives, and our relationships!