Years of so-called “therapy” with several practitioners has only aggravated this thing and I chalk it up to the fact that most standard therapy marinates you in the past. Marinating one of us in the past, to me, is like treating an ulcer with pepperoni pizza.

My persistent feeling which nothing can remove is that FATE has hated me from the day I was born. My closest friends (?) tell me I’m one of those people who no matter what they do ir how hard they try, get kicked up the butt So have several “therapists.” To put it mildly, this does not help, and in fact, consolidates my fear about being the plaything of a malicious universe. Think the old “Twilight Zone” feature, Jack-in-the-Box.

I really like this site and can relate to those posting.

By understanding about energy, and the fact that I am energy, it gave me control over the Dis-Ease, and enabled me to unhook the trailer attached to my vehicle.

I now travel lighter, with a knowing that I am in control of what other energies affect me and my wellbeing.

My body is a vehicle for my energy, or anima.

Namaste

I can also relate to Lynda’s adrenal stress problems. Here’s a good article: http://www.womentowomen.com/adrenalfatigue/adrenalglandnutrition.aspx
Also, I just started taking Enzymatic Therapy’s “Adrenal Stress End” supplement. It could be just a placebo effect, but I swear I’ve noticed some changes already after taking it for about two weeks.

First referred to by Judith Herman in her book, Trauma and Recovery, Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) is a psychological injury that results from protracted, prolonged or repeated exposure to traumatic events and circumstances.

Complex PTSD is a variation of PTSD and is delineated by:

1. emotional dysregulation
2. pathological dissociation
3. stress related breakdowns in bodily health

I can relate to a lot of what you’ve written and so I’ve taken your bullet points and reworked the ones that I ued to be able to relate to. I guess my PTSD was complex too.

1. Endlessly reliving the nightmare, unable to wake up

2. Exhausted

4. Shrunken Life

5. Unbearabel Emotional Pain

6. Attempts to escape reality

10. Very innaccurate self image. Self-image badly damaged

12. Psychological and Physical symptoms, such as an extreme Startle Reflex, Recurring Nightmares, Flashbacks, Phobias, and Disturbed Sleep Patterns.

13. Pro’s blame the victim – in an unhealthy way based on hindsight and wishful thinking based on projection from “It could never happen to me therefore ….”

Definitely, up until I had EMDR, it was literally a never-ending nightmare. Something that would recede a little, then come back with a vengence.

How I define PTSD now (as opposed to before when I felt very out of control) is this:

A 'fracture' in your experience of life, caused by a traumatic event. This fracture is caused in your mind, by you (and no one else). Its a response for attempting to cope with what happened. But unfortunately, its an ill-informed response. And its one that makes you feel like something is being done 'to you' instead of what's really going on, which is that your own mind is causing you to re-live your trauma over and over again.

Because we are terrified, we feel helpless and it is difficult to break the cycle. The longer it is left, the worse it becomes. I wrote about this in a post called ‘Never-ending nightmare’. It is certainly tough to accept that our own mind is the cause of the terror we’re experiencing over and over.

Anyway, the key is reaching out, as uncomfortable as it feels. Then, getting the help you need. Because it is entirely possible to treat and recover from PTSD, as you well know.

13. There is a strong tendency for medical professionals and lay people alike to “Blame the Victim” of multiple traumas, due to their ignorance of what long-term, extreme abuse will do to a person’s sense of self, and how crippling it is to one’s ability to exercise sound judgment, or form healthy relationships. Accusations of Masochism, of “Setting Yourself Up For Failure,” and of “Provoking” their abusers into mistreating them, are all too common; along with outright refusal to believe their story of abuse (denial being the normal first human reaction to any horror). When a severely traumatized person with zero self-esteem has been in a string of abusive relationships, she is commonly told: “Lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice,” or “The whole world can’t be wrong and you right,” or “The common denominator in all those failed relationships is YOU.” All of which further injures the trauma victim’s self-esteem and sense of justice.

1. A sense of being STUCK in the trauma, like being in a nightmare and unable to wake up

2. Feeling physically and emotionally exhausted, depleted by the trauma

3. Easily overwhelmed by life, often unable to function, even at performing simple tasks, like a bogged-down or “frozen” computer

4. A seriously curtailed life due to instinctive “guarding” behavior, through avoiding situations/people that could cause further trauma or a trigger

5. Unbearable emotional pain, i.e.: debilitating depression, overwhelming, paralyzing anxiety, and terrifying rages that may induce fear of “becoming like the abuser.”

6. Attempts to alleviate emotional pain with drinking, drugging, affairs, and/or other addictive, reality-escaping behaviors; possibly including thoughts and/or attempts at suicide as a way to permanently stop the pain

7. Feeling physically and emotionally unequipped to survive and cope alone, driven to desperately seeking someone to “rescue” and provide support

8. Having a skewed, unhealthy idea about the meaning and expression of “love”

9. Possessing little or no relationship skills

10. Having a skewed, extremely negative self-image, or a sense of having no personal identity

11. Vulnerable to repeated abusive relationships, due to the lack of self-esteem, poor relationship skills, skewed understanding of what it means to love, and the need to be rescued/supported

12. Psychological and Physical symptoms, such as an extreme Startle Reflex, Recurring Nightmares, Flashbacks, Phobias, and Disturbed Sleep Patterns

One final thought: My personal definition of PTSD may only apply to what some call “Complex PTSD,” which is caused by long-term, repeated traumas/abuse, particularly in captivity or after years of child abuse. People who have developed PTSD due to a single severe trauma which occurred after they were adult, probably do not have their basic sense of Self so strongly affected.

Lynda